Empty

Waiting all along, trickles that flows so slow and silent;
That was a long time ago,
when you slipped through the gap between my hands.
Here alone, in solitary,
I can't regret.

I didn't do it. I didn't accomplish what i set for myself. I guess i really have to put in more determination the next time. Sometimes i detest the way i'm seem so carefree and relaxed, i hate how i keep putting up this facade. I don't know what i'm trying to gain, wanting everyone to think i'm really easy-going and joyful every time cause that's not how i feel. Maybe all along, this facade was to deceive myself and to make everything easier for me. I don't like attention, i don't like sympathy or pity of any kind; i rather not have any troubles at all. Looking on the bright side, the personality that i created helps stop all hurts right at the door of my heart. Even if at times i don't like it, it still helps me get along with life.

All that aside, i have been really frustrated with my dog. He's so naughty and always bites whenever he is unhappy, and the reasons he is unhappy does not justify the biting at all. He doesn't like people to wash his face, doesn't like to get brushed and so many more things that he don't like. I get it that dogs tend to not like these kind of activities that involves grooming but is there a need to be so aggressive?! The minute he sees the comb or soap, he'll growl to no end and he'll bite till your skin breaks and sometimes, bleed. Then he'll pretend to cry and whine, & when you go to him again, he'll bite again?! OMG. So pissed at him. I think he needs a trainer but that wouldn't work too, cause he is a timid mouse with strangers. sigh.
I know all dogs can be trained to be obedient ones but he is no ordinary dog.

Have to bathe him later, good luck to me.

these won't survive

It's like i'm caught in this endless spiral.
Voluntarily or not,
It only matters a tad now;
Cause i'm about to fall
and break into a million pieces.
Then, one day, i'll be fixed again.

It's fading away, too fast for my liking.
There's so little left to grab onto.
What was once a rush, have subsided like a calm ocean after the downpour that answered my prayers.

I could lay here, and just close my eyes for awhile.
I could seek then take in all the beauty of this.
But it aches my heart.

Why did it fade away so regrettably?

wandering gypsy

like the music that caresses my thoughts;
echo my feelings then bring me to the next level.


Hurry to me, hurry and get me. Take me to all the places I've never been, let me see all the fun I've missed.
Show me all that can be, let me feel all the different emotions;
all the love, anger and passion.

Don't know if it has always been like this but i seem to not get excited when festive seasons are near.I guess it's cause my family got less and less enthusiastic or 'happening'. I used to look forward for family gatherings when i was much younger. Actually i still pretty much anticipate these gatherings but not as much as before.
Sometimes, I wish for things to go back like before, when there was lesser negative interventions.
I think that'll be pretty nice.

Recently, and by recently i mean these few months; i have been greeted by my dear enemy : insomnia. I swear that bitch is killing my brain cells. I need to get my sleep at appropriate times! For those days when i get my 'normal' sleep, it's only because i ate sleeping pills. & i hate sleeping pills! Firstly, they are toxic for your body. Secondly, they are not as available like before!
Anyway, i'm only left with ten odd of them. I kinda feel like it's war world 3 and those are my limited supply of food. Yes, it's that bad.
But i guess it's alright, i only get this problem for 3-4 months every year.
My body is weird like that.

Been having lots of project meetings and i kinda like it even though it means work have to be done. I like being with my friends and i guess doing work takes my mind off stuff.
Have also been watching f.r.i.e.n.d.s. again! I really love that show. So grateful for my sec 1 friend who introduced it to me. She's Su-May but she migrated to Indonesia. She's still there i think. HAHA. I'm not good with long distance relationships/friendships.
Came to realize that i stopped contacting many of my friends who migrated. I think i'm those kind that need to SEE my friends quite often to 'stay' with them. Hopefully, for Year 2, i'll see Molly XJ JL JH WJ RL quite often.

5 more hours of sleep left. I doubt i'll even get 5 hours.

whatever you want, whatever you need;
if you deserve it, you'll get it.

i would have given you all my love.

I carry all these bags that weigh me down,
just so i can tell you that everything is ok;
but i'm not.
I shouldn't be angry with anyone, i shouldn't be disappointed with anyone;
but you've crossed the line so bad, so far,
that now, even I have no idea where the line is.

Part of me wish that one day, no matter what you do or say or act like,
won't mean anything to me anymore.
One day, you won't make me feel anything for you,
love, hate; nothing.

We can have a superficial relationship.
ha. Who am i kidding? It was always like that.
I never had your true love.
I'm going to stop pining for anything more than this and just handle all your crap.
Maybe i can't stop loving you completely right now,
but one day, all my feelings for you will die down.
You know it will.

I'm so tired of all these, so tired of you;
but one day, i'll tell everyone 'it doesn't matter, i'm fine' and mean it.
And that would be the day,
you cease becoming someone i love.

I'll still care for you, protect you, encourage you, spend time with you,
because that's what i have to do;
but i will stop loving you.

Don't regret only after you throw me away.

Even if you don't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.
Even if you see it, doesn't mean it's there.
Stop questioning, answer some questions.
Stop giving me concern, if that's the best you can.
If you will leave one day, don't make me get close to you.
If you have to, think of how it'll hurt us both.

I don't want to see the world with you if one day, you won't be there.
Don't give me hope or love, if in the end, you do not care.