Eight

Yuki had his 8th birthday last November and it was the first time I decided to make a cake for him. It wasn't a traditional cake like those available at doggy bakeries. That's because he has a weak stomach and I don't think it's a good idea for him to eat those due to the ingredients inside. That's a reason why I've never gotten him a cake before.😕
Sometime early last year, I came across a YouTube video about a dog celebrating his birthday with a cake made out of  meat. That gave me an idea to make him a cake similar to that, except with mashed potatoes, carrots and a little broccoli. Mashed potato made it so easy to mould the cake into the correct shape and it stays that way.
➽I just boiled a couple of peeled potatoes, along with half a carrot and a handful of broccoli in plain water. (Please don't add salt for your pups!)
I then drained it and mashed them together but in layers for a slight Color effect. I added the tiniest amount of water to the potatoes just to get them to stick together better. Too much water and the cake won't be able to stay in shape.
Anyway, here are some pictures of my boy's big day; although I'm sure he doesn't know it's his birthday.🎂

9 November 2017

He couldn't wait for me to take
more pictures🐶

The first day I brought him home💙

When he was a year old.
I miss his baby face👶👶

I can't believe I've had this fluffball of joy for 8 years already. I hope I have and will continue to give him the best care and love so he will stay healthy and happy for a long long time.
I love you my little one, my forever puppy at heart❤

Change

Found my blog today and thought of posting some snippets of my life. It's 2018 now and a good couple of years since my last post. Felt like posting about the changes in my life, starting with a good ol' revamp of my room. Decided to renovate my room last year so my S.O. and I started renovating which lasted August - September of 2017. We did 99.99% of the work ourselves, and for that we both feel so accomplished and independent, I guess. We removed everything, painted the walls, lugged all the purchases home, designed and also fixed all the cupboards, etc. Did I mention that my room is on the second floor of my house? #strugglewasreal

Those two months were grueling and somewhat horrifying due to the hard labor that was put in. Painting was so tiring as my ceiling is 4m high and everything was so heavy. I'm somewhat disappointed that I didn't take a picture of my whole room before the renovation so I can show how drastic the change is. All I have is a picture of one of my walls showcasing the filthy, gross and old paint job.

Here are some pictures of my new room.♥♥

➽Shoutout to my S.O. for sponsoring the whole renovation. *kisses*

Before painting

During Painting, used painter's tape for this.

Added steps for my doggies to get up the bed

Finally have a queen sized bed for my S.O. and I.

Domo loves sleeping by my side on his own pillo

Candid shot

Yuki, the furbaby
#alwayssleeping

Their favorite activity by the
window : people-watching.👀

That's it for my first post in 2018.

Toodle-oo!🎔

master of the game

no matter how it is done,

the outcome will be the same;

be it instilling fear upfront, or playing behind the curtains,

it doesn't matter to the master of this game.

risk never limited; 

for it gives life to the stage,

life to the puppets and dimension to this play.

don't stay.

don't love me for any reason,
don't take on my problems.
don't feel burdened to aid me.
if you want something good and precious,
don't stay, don't wait on me;
please give up on me.
it won't be good,
i'll always be like this.
depending is so hard.
this distance i'll always keep,
makes me a misfortune.
i won't be good enough for anyone,
not because i can't.

So it was Mother's Day yesterday, the first year without a nice dinner for the occasion. Bought presents and flowers for all the 'motherly-figures' in my family. Hope they liked the gifts (:

If I were to be real honest, there's actually not much work to do in school. I think the projects and homework are of appropriate amounts, it's just that I don't like to do work. ANY WORK. 

Loving Business Finance tutorials and lectures though. That's my favorite subject..

And there's been quite a lot of things going on. 

As usual, I didn't talk about it except express my feelings on twitter and in captions of the photos(like above). 

It's still difficult as ever, all the trusting/relying/loving/accepting issues. Basically things that are related to more in-depth feelings besides the basic ones(happy/sad/angry). I have minimal feelings like getting angry when I miss the bus, or happy when class ends early. Relationship-related would be close to none. Relationship as in friendship, family and well.. relationships. 

I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I stopped keeping that distance.

Even after 17 whole years of living, I have not changed. Always keeping a distance, being a bitch, trying to block people out when they got too close. And till today, I still do not know why I'm like this. It ain't rebellion, I don't want to be some gothic-emo punk who likes to be in solitude. 

It's like a defense-mechanism that I can't control and every time I'm alone thinking about it, it frustrates me.

Why is it so stressful to accept love and concern from others?

If the love is too much, it's so hard for me to breathe.

Maybe everyone's like this.

I can only play,

cause I can't handle anything more.

one day it will..

Somewhere serene,
somewhere beautiful;
somewhere in the future with you.
Something to look forward to,
the remaining years of love and joy;
that will continue on for as long,
in the light of our own.

To the future you,
all I ask for is happiness surrounding;
for there is nothing much more important than that.
In this short life,
we should be blissful;
there should be love,
and appreciation.

Just a place of our own,
just a place where the heart feels safe and warm;
just a place where a close family resides.
A place where I'm your love,
I'm the little ones' love;
Just somewhere that we can't wait to return to.
One where there's no intense ambiance,
but heartfelt sincerity and peace.

Just somewhere simpler than in movies,
but worth so much more.

Empty

Waiting all along, trickles that flows so slow and silent;
That was a long time ago,
when you slipped through the gap between my hands.
Here alone, in solitary,
I can't regret.

I didn't do it. I didn't accomplish what i set for myself. I guess i really have to put in more determination the next time. Sometimes i detest the way i'm seem so carefree and relaxed, i hate how i keep putting up this facade. I don't know what i'm trying to gain, wanting everyone to think i'm really easy-going and joyful every time cause that's not how i feel. Maybe all along, this facade was to deceive myself and to make everything easier for me. I don't like attention, i don't like sympathy or pity of any kind; i rather not have any troubles at all. Looking on the bright side, the personality that i created helps stop all hurts right at the door of my heart. Even if at times i don't like it, it still helps me get along with life.

All that aside, i have been really frustrated with my dog. He's so naughty and always bites whenever he is unhappy, and the reasons he is unhappy does not justify the biting at all. He doesn't like people to wash his face, doesn't like to get brushed and so many more things that he don't like. I get it that dogs tend to not like these kind of activities that involves grooming but is there a need to be so aggressive?! The minute he sees the comb or soap, he'll growl to no end and he'll bite till your skin breaks and sometimes, bleed. Then he'll pretend to cry and whine, & when you go to him again, he'll bite again?! OMG. So pissed at him. I think he needs a trainer but that wouldn't work too, cause he is a timid mouse with strangers. sigh.
I know all dogs can be trained to be obedient ones but he is no ordinary dog.

Have to bathe him later, good luck to me.

these won't survive

It's like i'm caught in this endless spiral.
Voluntarily or not,
It only matters a tad now;
Cause i'm about to fall
and break into a million pieces.
Then, one day, i'll be fixed again.

It's fading away, too fast for my liking.
There's so little left to grab onto.
What was once a rush, have subsided like a calm ocean after the downpour that answered my prayers.

I could lay here, and just close my eyes for awhile.
I could seek then take in all the beauty of this.
But it aches my heart.

Why did it fade away so regrettably?