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| don't love me for any reason, don't take on my problems. don't feel burdened to aid me. if you want something good and precious, don't stay, don't wait on me; please give up on me. it won't be good, i'll always be like this. depending is so hard. this distance i'll always keep, makes me a misfortune. i won't be good enough for anyone, not because i can't. |
If I were to be real honest, there's actually not much work to do in school. I think the projects and homework are of appropriate amounts, it's just that I don't like to do work. ANY WORK.
Loving Business Finance tutorials and lectures though. That's my favorite subject..
And there's been quite a lot of things going on.
As usual, I didn't talk about it except express my feelings on twitter and in captions of the photos(like above).
It's still difficult as ever, all the trusting/relying/loving/accepting issues. Basically things that are related to more in-depth feelings besides the basic ones(happy/sad/angry). I have minimal feelings like getting angry when I miss the bus, or happy when class ends early. Relationship-related would be close to none. Relationship as in friendship, family and well.. relationships.
I wish I wasn't like this. I wish I stopped keeping that distance.
Even after 17 whole years of living, I have not changed. Always keeping a distance, being a bitch, trying to block people out when they got too close. And till today, I still do not know why I'm like this. It ain't rebellion, I don't want to be some gothic-emo punk who likes to be in solitude.
It's like a defense-mechanism that I can't control and every time I'm alone thinking about it, it frustrates me.
Why is it so stressful to accept love and concern from others?
If the love is too much, it's so hard for me to breathe.
Maybe everyone's like this.
I can only play,
cause I can't handle anything more.
